Journal Entry#1 (Delicious Movement)
This is a weekly blog series for the class called "Delicious Movement." This is #1.
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Last week, our dog called Mocha passed away. He was with our family for over fourteen years. I haven’t experienced losing somebody I love and care in my life, so it was a shocking and painful thing happening to lose one I love and care while watching him suffering to his death. So, I have been sensitive to concepts such as death and suffering this week, and when I read this week’s readings it made me sorrowful and furious and anguished. Bigart’s work, which describes the situations in Hiroshima after the atomic bombing, made me sorrowful to imagine how horrible situations in Hiroshima and Nagasaki and how bombs could disrespect human lives in this manner, especially when I read “hundreds of wounded still dying unattended in the wrecks and fields on the northern edge of the city.” All the people under the bombs or all the people perished in the ravages of wars had their life stories, their loved one their family, and, their life, and yet bombs and war manage to despite them. Bigart writes, “When the bomb fell. How many of them perished no one yet knows, for all records were destroyed by fire.” His words made me feel that I’m the brink of despair in front of these ugly bombs that despise so many lives and the ugliest idea of dropping bombs on lives. What kind of people would not imagine that dropping bombs would bring only deep sorrow and despairs… People under the atomic bombs didn’t know what exactly happened to them. How the atomic bomb was devised to destroy people to make them suffer from radiation. So, when I read “I found my wife lying unconscious in the debris, and I dragged her to safety. My two children suffered cuts, and for the next hour or so I was too busy to think of what was happening in the city” it aches my heart because it reminds me of how they would suffer from the aftereffects even though the blast itself was so destructive to kill numbers of people.
And, I get very angry when I read The first fireball, which includes the remarks of generals and admirals who proceeded with their plan to drop atomic bombs on two cities. Their words and ideas just made me angry to know how they could disrespect people’s lives like these (otherwise they wouldn’t): “’ Japan will eventually be a nation without cities - a nomadic people’ by Vice Admiral Radford and ‘in fact, they say it is a very pleasant way to die’ by General Groves (the military director of the infamous Manhattan Project).” I was also angered when I read the statements of the pilots who actually dropped A-bombs in Atomic Bombing of Nagasaki Told by Flight Member. In the conversation before the A-bombs was taken off, one says, “Think this atomic bomb will end the war?” And, the other says, “There is a good chance that this one may do the trick.” When I read those conversations, I remembered what I learned in class last semester: two atomic bombs were dropped in three days because there were two bombs available and General Groves wanted to use them quickly. I felt my anger coming up from my throat at people who are involved in dropping the most destructive bombs on Earth by even making jokes about it and their horrendous rudeness to human lives.
Lastly, Camus’s Between Hell and Reason made me think and ponder about how the development of science can lead to the destruction of human life. Camus gives a dismal future prediction that “in a relatively near future, between collective suicide and the intelligent use of scientific conquests.” As a person benefits from science development, I have to feel complex feelings about myself. But his words, “peace is the only battle worth waging,” gave me hope to fight for peace and I thought it’s a key that we could prevent his dire future prediction from happening. “Peace is the only battle worth waging” also resonated in me with the last chapter of Eiko’s uncle’s book on the Siberian internment.
Recently, I read Fyodor Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. It was my first time to read Crime and Punishment. I understood that Crime and Punishment is a story about anguish and God. A protagonist of the novel is Raskolnikov: a smart but poor former college student. And he murders a greedy and cunning old woman, a moneylender, as he comes to think that he could use the money he steals for the better world, based on his original crime theory that one sin is atoned for by a hundred good deeds. Although he plans to do a good deed and kill a greedy money lender, he even murders her sister, who happens to be at the scene of the murder. Raskolnikov's guilt is heightened and distressed by this unexpected murder. But I think that God knows that Raskolnikov committed his crime. He is tormented by his guilt and becomes psychosis, and the Inspector grows suspicion of him. And he confesses his crime at the end. Crime and Punishment made me think that God sees me and understands me and my conscience is a communication tool with God. Reading Camus’s idea on science, I come to realize that my “peace” is not “peace” for everyone and my conscience becomes to feel hurt. My “peace” is connected from the US’s invasion of Afghanistan, which destroyed many and many innocent people’s lives. My peaceful lives have been sustained by electricity that nuclear energy has generated. So, I come to think facing my own crimes that my conscience tells me is a fight for peace.
In the last class, we did exercise and shared three wishes and three things we are angry about:
My wishes
1.I wish my dog named Moca Rest In Peace. (He passed away the day before yesterday)
2.I wish to be a person who can be responsible for what I do and say.
3.I wish I could recognize love and care that people around me generously give me always and I could give back my love and care for them.
Three things I am angry about
- Moca had to get through all the sufferings before he passed away.
2. The CCP government banned schools in inner Mongolia in China from teaching Mongolian language and how the CCP government is trampling on the culture and rights of China's ethnic minorities for their authoritarian purposes.
- Oil spills in Mauritius and no one is not trying to take responsibility for what is happening to nature and animals and people in Mauritius.
Last week, the death of my dog was huge for me. So, my wishes go around it and love for others since I appreciate the love and joyful moments that he carried us for over fourteen years. Three things I was angry about are much more practical (maybe expect one thing for my dog). They are something that just came across my mind as they happened recently, but I don’t believe that they should be like what they are like now. No government can overstep one’s culture for its arrogant political purpose and people and government have to be responsible for what they have done if it’s an accident.
