Journal Entry#8 Letter to Hayashi
Dear Hayashi Kyoko san,
Nice to meet you. I am Hayate Murayama. I read several works of yours in class, and I am writing this letter to you. First of all, I’d like to tell you, “thank you” for writing books to tell your hibakusha experience to us in the future generation of human beings, who didn’t experience the atomic bombing, and in fact live far from the evils and terror that atomic bombs brought about. My generation was born after the Cold War ended, and there are still thousands of atomic bombs that existed on our earth. In my opinion, the awareness and sense of crisis in our generation against the atomic bombs are decreasing day by day, since it’s getting easier for us not to think about the atomic bombs existed in the world. In some sense, it means that the world is getting slightly better since we don’t witness the atomic bomb race or nuclear tests now. But I think it’s a serious problem that the young generation lives far from the awareness of the crisis we have in our world because it’s easier to look away from the evilness of atomic bombs and atomic radiation. (though many terrible incidents and tragedies by atomic radiation never go silent…) So, I’d like to thank you for your courage to take a pen and start to write your reflection and experience as a hibakusha to the young generation like us, the generation that has the responsibility not to repeat the evil that tramples on human dignity and create the better world with fewer and no evils on the world.
From Trinity to Trinity (translated by Eiko san) was the first work I read among your works. When I first read the book, I was encouraged by your courage to go to the United States and visit the museum and pay a visit to the Trinity Site and stand at ground zero and think about the moment of the day when the very first atomic bomb was dropped on the earth. From Trinity to Trinity inspired me to think deeper about my identity as being born in Hiroshima and my reflection on the place and people there, and encouraged me to write an Op-ed about my suggestion to take a trip to Nagasaki in addition to Hiroshima, seeing the difference of museums and same but different fates of only two cities that were bombed by the atomic bomb. And, this summer, I made a trip to Nagasaki, after I visited my grandparents in Hiroshima. It was not an easy trip, because of the pandemic we are in (you might see the chaos from the sky), but it was my promise to myself to visit Nagasaki. So, I carefully chose the time and went on a trip. When I told my grandparents in Hiroshima, they were not surprised. My grandmother was not born and my grandfather was five years old out of Hiroshima city when the bomb was dropped. So, they don’t talk about the war much but I know that they cherish peace and, before I know it, they tell me “senso wa yaccha ikan.” It was my first time to visit Nagasaki. Since I got there from Hiroshima, I was comparing the city with Hiroshima naturally like Nagasaki’s streetcars are smaller than Hiroshima or there is also a river streaming in Nagasaki. But, I still remember my nervousness when I was on the streetcar and stepped off at the Heiwa Koen (Peace Park) station. When I got to the park, I was not ready. But, the monument of the ground zero of the atomic bomb showed up in front of me. Since the monument at the ground zero in Hiroshima is a small stone marker and doesn’t draw much attention compared to the Atomic Dorm, I realized that I was not ready to stand in front of the 10-meters-tall tower that indicates the ground zero of Fat Man. I slowly walked to the tower and I stood at ground zero. I gazed at the sky and remembered the scene from From Trinity to Trinity when you stood at the ground zero in the Trinity Site. I gave my prayer from the ground I was standing on to people and all the lives under the bomb on that day and thoughts about you as well. In this way, I just wanted to tell you that thank you very much for sharing your experience with your trip to the Trinity Site, and as a hibakusha, otherwise, I would not be able to know them and I would be at loss. Your story encouraged me to take a trip to Nagasaki and connect me to the place and time, where dignity and emotions were trampled, which we cannot forget.
Hayate
Peter Jenning’s video: I think he took a lot of time to create this video by interviewing lots of historians on this field to give us the historical political decision on the atomic bombing on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The content was something we learned in Professor Johnston’s class (we read Walker’s book as well), but I appreciate Peter Jenning’s efforts to create the video and provide the objective historical narratives on the decision to drop the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. But, as I know it already, it’s still shocking and makes me sorrow to know the fact that there’s no clear decision-maker to drop a bomb but the bombs were dropped because they were ready and no reasons for the American military officers to stop them… and then they concealed what actually happened in Hiroshima and Nagasaki from its own citizens and decide them by making a story. It’s a very disturbing thing to know.
Class reflection:
We started the class with alphabet movement. It was surely different from our precious movements. We imitated the alphabet with our body and it was very playful. I did “WATER” since it was the first word coming to my mind. I like to do “water” movement as my core since it’s pleasant and calming. But when I did “WATER” as in the alphabet movement. It was totally different. I felt my body firm and straighten up to create a word and felt some artificialness to do so. But, at the same time, I was representing “water” with those artificial words I was creating with my body so it was also mysterious as well. The second time, I did the alphabet movement gently while imaging water’s flows and sound. I felt more natural this time but at the same time, I could manage to make alphabets. I felt more autonomy over my body.
The next movement we did was, touching with our not dominant hand. With eye closed, we traced our face and body without not the dominant hand, for me left hand. I realized that my left hand is more sensible to the sensation and impression that left on my body. Maybe, it’s because I have less control over my left hand so that my hand is more sensible to follow it. The movement time was, I’d say, philosophical. I felt more silent. I think I was concentrated and felt sharp in bodily sensation. I learned that my body is not even and within my body, there’s an unbalance. But I enjoyed its unbalance as my memories engraved in my body.
We also talked about the last class but the main part was talking about our speech &Op-ed. It was our first time to have individual time for each other and talk about our own projects. I first teamed up with Will, and we shared our experience in creating our speech. It was a fun time to find the commonality in our speech, and we found that we both have a core word to deliver to the audience. For Will, it is gratitude, and for me it is courage. I also didn’t know that Will studies theater, so I asked him advice on speech and delivering through voice. I also got to talk with Alma but it was brief so I hope from the next time I got to talk more with other students individually by preparation for class.
